Susan's Thursday morning note November 20, 2008ย
Letters to a Young Poetย by Rainer Maria Wilke
As Silver Refined:ย Learning to Embrace Lifeโs Disappointmentsย by Kay Arthur
Forward From Here:ย Leaving Middle Age โ and Other Unexpected Adventures by Reeve Lindbergh
The Remains of the Dayย by Kazuo Ishiguro
Good morning!ย I am needing an entire pot of our legal stimulant this morning to think for you!ย I hope that you wait until you have a few minutes of quiet to read again today.ย So much to think about this week as we enter into Thanksgiving week.ย Many of my friends and some of you that I donโt know very well have in passing mentioned theย approaching Thanksgiving/Christmasย seasonย as being one of melancholy.ย Not even understanding feelings of being sad when so many are entering a time of family, traveling, fun.ย I donโt know how to put into words this emotion, but I know what you mean.ย The holidays do bring a time of contemplation, donโt they?ย Thinkingโฆanalyzingโฆmissing someโฆand when we miss those that have died it seems in the fall when the holidays hit & we are thinking of them, or we miss those that we wish we had closer relationships with, our minds begin to race.ย Race with what we wish weโd have done differently (my mind seems to play the tape ofโฆโWhy didnโt I sit with mom more as she was sick?ย Why was I so โbusyโ?ย Why didnโt I let her have the chance to have me be quiet and listen to her if sheโd have wanted to talk details of her memories as she lay sick?ย Why didnโt I ask her for advice on my future as I knew I wouldnโt have her to ask much longer?ย Why do I feel now I didnโt even know her.ย The real her.ย Why didnโt I ask Dad who he โreally wasโ โ who was he?ย What were his dreamsโฆhis personal regrets, joys, challenges, desires?ย โย See โ we can all do that with those alive or those that we miss.
Last night I read a section of a book calledย Letters to a Young Poetย by Rainer Maria Rilke.ย I didnโt even know of this poet until I read the book by Reeve Lindbergh calledย No More Wordsย on the death of her mother as she lost her mind in her last years.ย She made a comment that her mom would rock herself as she was dying, but kept by her bedside even in her delusion her Bible and her books/poems by Rilke.ย This is how I find my books to read!ย Little sentences like that.ย I couldnโt get enough of this book.ย And last night I bypassed all of the first 3/4 of what I underlined after reading his final letter.ย I donโt know what to take out โ so once, again, I will just let you read only a small excerpt of this 8th letter and I hope that by leaving in a lot you gain.
(Rilke obviously received a letter from his young poet friendย on the news ofย a loved oneย dyingโฆ)ย ย I want to talk with you for a little whileโฆalthough there is almost nothing I can say that will help you, and I can hardly find one useful word.ย You have had many sadnesses, large ones, which passed.ย And you say that even this passing was difficult and upsetting for youโฆ
Perhaps many things inside you have been transformed; perhaps somewhere, someplace deep inside your being, you have undergone important changes while you were sadโฆIf only it were possible for us to see farther than our knowledge reaches, and even a little beyond the outworks of our presentiment, perhaps we would bear our sadnesses with greater trust than we have in our joys.ย For they are the moments when something new has entered us, something unknown; our feelings grow muteโฆand the new experience, which no one knows, stands in the midst of it all and says nothingโฆbecause we are alone with the unfamiliar presence that has entered us; because everything we trust and are used to is for a moment taken away from us; because we stand in the midst of a transition where we cannot remain standingโฆa new presence inside us, the presence that has been added, has entered our heart, has gone into its innermost chamber and is no longer even there, is already in our bloodstream.ย And we donโt know what it isโฆSolitudeโฆWe must accept our reality as vastly as we possibly can; everything, even the unprecedented, must be possible within it.ย This is in the end the only kind of courage that is required of us: the courage to face the strangest, most unusual, most inexplicable experiences that can meet us.ย
If we imagine the individual as a larger or smaller room, it is obvious that most people come to know only one corner of their room, one spot near the window, on narrow strip on which they keep walking back and forth.ย In this way they have a certain security.ย And yet how much more human is the dangerous insecurity that drives those prisoners in Poeโs stories to feel out the shapes of their horrible dungeons and not be strangers to the unspeakable terror of their cells.ย We have no reason to harbor any mistrust against our world, for it is not against us.ย If it has terrors, they are our terrors; it if has abysses, these abysses belong to us; if there are dangers, we must try to love them.ย And if only we arrange our life in accordance with the principle which tells us thatย we must also trust in the difficult then what now appears to us as the most alien will become our most intimate and trusted experience.ย How could we forget those ancient myths that stand at the beginning of all races, the myths about dragons that at the last moment are transformed into princesses?ย Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princessesย who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage.ย Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.ย
So you mustnโt be frightened if a sadness rises in front of you, larger than any you have ever seen; if an anxiety, like light and cloud-shadows, moves over your hands and over everything you do.ย You must realize that something is happening to you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand and willย not let you fall.ย (Sue Monk Kidd calls this period of darkness โincubationโ โ she says nature brings forth beauty only after darkness (fetus in the womb, butterfly in the chrysalisโฆI really like that analogy of incubation โ our sadness, our solitude, this is our incubation time where we changeโฆchange for the good).
Why do you want to shut out of your life any uneasiness, any misery, any depression, since after all you donโt know what work these conditions are doing inside you?ย Why do you want to persecute yourself with the question of where all this is coming from and where it is going?ย ย If there is anything unhealthy in your reactions, just bear in mind that sickness is the means by which an organism frees itself from what is alien; so one must simply help it to be sick, to have its whole sickness and to break out with it, since that is the way it gets betterโฆyou must be patient like someone who is sick, and confident like someone who is recovering; for perhaps you are bothโฆand you are also the doctor, who has to watch over himself.ย But in every sickness there are many days when the doctor can do nothing but wait.ย And that is what you, insofar as you are your own doctor, must now do, more than anything else.
Donโt be too quick to draw conclusions from what happens to you; simply let it happenโฆit will be too easy for you to look with blame (morally) at your past, which naturally has a share in everything that now meets you.ย But whatever errors, wishes, and yearnings of your boyhood are operating in you now are not what you remember and condemn.ย
And if there is one more thing that I must say to you, it is this:ย Donโt think that the person who is trying to comfort you now lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes give you pleasureย (his poetry).ย ย His life has much trouble and sadness, and remains far behind yours.ย If it were otherwise, he would never have been able to find those words.ย Yours, Rainer Maria Rilke.ย August 12, 1904.ย Sweden.
Iย must alsoย share the final thoughts of a novel I loved the last few weeks (reflections from the perspective ofย a butler in Britain).ย ย The Remains of the Dayย by Kazuo Ishiguro.ย The butler on the final pages begins to reflect on his life with a complete strangerโฆ.second guessing his decisions, talking about his sadnesses, regrets, mistakes.ย This is the response from the stranger.ย โNow, look, mate, Iโm not sure I follow everything youโre saying.ย But if you ask me, your attitudeโs all wrong, see?ย Donโt keep looking back all the time, youโre bound to get depressed.ย And all right, you canโt do your job as well as you used to.ย But itโs the same for all of us, see?ย Weโve all got to put our feet up at some pointโฆso neither of us are in the first flush of youth, but youโve got to keep looking forward.โย And I believe it was then that he said: โYouโve got to enjoy yourself.ย The eveningโs the best part of the day.ย Youโve done your dayโs work.ย Now you can put your feet up and enjoy it.ย ย Thatโs how I look at it (aging).ย ย As anybody, theyโll all tell you.ย The eveningโs the best part of the day.โย Perhaps I should adopt a more positive outlook andย try to make the best of what remains of my day.ย After all, what can we ever gain in forever looking back and blaming ourselves if our lives have not turned out quite as we might have wished?โฆWhat is the point in worrying oneself too much about what one could or could not have done to control the course oneโs life took?ย Surely it is enough that the likes of you and I at least try to make our small contributing count for something true and worthy.ย And if some of us are prepared to sacrifice much in life in order to pursue such aspirations (he referred to his role as butler, taking care of his masterโฆwe could refer to giving in parenting, marriage, societyโฆ)ย ย surely that is in itself, whatever the outcome, cause for pride and contentmentโฆ
And, in finishing last weekโs book,ย Forward from Here,ย by Reeve Lindergh โ her final paragraph of her bookโฆIโm hoping that as I get older Iโll get braver, and someday I may even be brave enough to leave some of my old descriptions and preoccupations behind me, to let the family history go, let it be.ย Gently, so as not to disturb anybody, I may open a door and just walk through it.ย I may tiptoe away from the closed rooms of the past with all their stories, and move quietly into the present I love so well, and then even further, out into the open future,ย forward from here.
We must remember that we areย As Silver Refinedย (book by Kay Arthur)โฆno matter what experiences or circumstances in our pastโฆwe must know that God is putting us into the fireโฆthe silversmith is continuing to allow us to be in the heat, the battle, the sorrows, the wrong decisions, hurtsโฆfor His goal as a silversmith is to continue heating us until he finally pulls us out of the fire and he sees an exact image of himself the silver is so pure.ย Look forward.ย ย Questions I did not ask of my parents, time I did not spend with themโฆ.instead of the constant critiquing I can instead learn and not make the same mistakes with who I love and have in my life now. ย We can learn to not make the same mistakes, butย instead of constantlyย analyzing ourย past we canย make a conscious decisionย to praying, making goals for our future, letting our silent, painful times that we go through alone be โincubation times, times in the chrysalisโ.ย ย Look forward to change,ย become who we didnโt even know we were capable of being.ย If we are willing to have silence, have pain, have sicknessโฆwe become who we didnโt even know we could be.ย Let us make ourselves examine the other parts of our โboxโ โ the unexploredโฆwho we could be if we allowed ourselves silence, allowed ourselves to feel pain, allowed ourselves solitude, allowed ourselves to be real.ย What โremains of our day?โ โ what choices can we make to come out changed?ย So much in the books we readโฆso many perspectives on solitude, memories, present experiences, feeling life, looking forward from here.
Whatever the holidays bring you โ donโt spend your energies on regrets.ย Forward from hereโฆ.our future is waiting for us to enter.ย I pray that you feel the presence of God in your solitude (even if your only solitude is before you fall asleep)ย the next few weeks.ย All we have to do is drop one foot to our knees and ask for help or look into the heaven.ย Our help is there.ย Promises.ย Beautiful promises.ย The peace that passes all other humanโs understanding will never pass away.ย Even during the holidays Godโs peace is there for us.ย Our promise.ย Thank you for letting me type for you.ย I hope you have a meaningful, changing holiday season.ย Looking forward.ย Not always past.ย Susan
Latin This Week:
Nihil admirari cum acciderit, nihil ante quam evenerit, non evenire posse arbitrary โ โDonโt wonder at anything that has already happened. And anything that has not happened yet, donโt judge as impossibleโ (Cicero).